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Tabitha – SNL

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>> IT’S TABITHA. >>> WELCOME BACK. I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. MY BOOK, “THE OBEDIENT HUSBAND” JUST MADE THE “NEW YORK TIMES” BESTSELLER LIST. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THIS BOOK HAS HELPED SO MANY COUPLES. I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND, CRAIG. THANK YOU, BABY. NOW, CRAIG IS A GREAT HUSBAND, BUT LIKE ALL OF US, HE IS NOT PERFECT. BEFORE I WAS ON TV, I WAS A LIFE COACH AND A DOG TRAINER. AND ONE THING WE EMPHASIZED IN BOTH OF THOSE JOBS WAS COMMUNICATION. LET YOUR SPOUSE KNOW WHEN HE’S DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE. LIKE THE OTHER DAY, I WAS ANNOYED AFTER COMING BACK FROM THE GROCERY STORE. TAKE A LOOK. >> OKAY, I JUST GOT HOME AND I SEE A BAG OF ROLLS ON THE FLOOR. CRAIG? CRAIG? DID YOU EAT ALL THE HAWAIIAN ROLLS, CRAIG? CRAIG? CRAIG, I JUST BOUGHT THESE, CRAIG. DID YOU EAT THEM? CRAIG! CRAIG! CRAIG, DID YOU EAT THE HAWAIIAN ROLLS, CRAIG? CRAIG. LOOK AT ME, CRAIG! NOW, CRAIG KNEW THAT WAS BAD, RIGHT, CRAIG? SEE, THIS IS ALL OUTLINING CHAPTER 5, THE POWER OF SHAME. CRAIG, REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD THAT FOOTBALL PARTY? TAKE A LOOK.>> OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THIS! WHAT A MESS! WHO DID THIS? CRAIG! CRAIG, DID YOU DO THIS? OH, MY GOD. CRAIG. CRAIG. CRAIG. DID YOU HAVE A PARTY? CRAIG, DID YOU HAVE A PARTY HERE? WHAT’S THAT ON YOUR FACE, CRAIG? WHAT’S THAT ON YOUR FACE? IS THAT CHEESE DOODLE DUST? IS THAT CHEESE DOODLE DUST? I CAN SEE IT, CRAIG. CRAIG KNEW I WAS DISAPPOINTED. NOW, THIS TECHNIQUE HAS WORKED FOR HUNDREDS OF WOMEN AND I BROUGHT TWO OF THEM HERE TODAY. PLEASE WELCOME LAUREN HOBBS AND MARY BUTLER. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE AND THANK YOU FOR READING MY BOOK. >> OH MY GOD. I LOVED THE BOOK. IT HAS IMPROVED MY RELATIONSHIPS SO MUCH. >> MINE, TOO. YOU’RE AMAZING. >> IT’S NOT ME. THESE ARE TECHNIQUES THAT HAVE WORKED FOR GENERATIONS. NOW LAUREN, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO JUST WON’T GROW UP. HE PARTIES AND STAYS OUT TOO LATE? >> I USED TO. DANIEL AND HIS FRIENDS WOULD JUST GO CRAZY, BUT WITH YOUR TECHNIQUES, THEY LEARN TO RESPECT MY CONCERNS. LOOK.DANIEL BENJAMIN, WHO DRANK TOO MUCH AND BOUGHT AN XBOX ON AMAZON PRIME? DANIEL BENJAMIN. WELL I KNOW IT WAS SOMEBODY. WHO BOUGHT IT? DANIEL, I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED. >> GREAT COMMUNICATION, LAUREN. >> AND HE HAS BEEN CAREFUL WITH HIS ONLINE SHOPPING EVER SINCE. HAVEN’T YOU, HONEY? >> BUT I HEAR HE HASN’T STOPPED THE PARTY. >> NO, BUT WE ARE WORKING ON THAT. I ACTUALLY HAD TO RESORT TO YOUR ADVANCED SHAMING TECHNIQUE WHERE I MADE A SIGN AND TOOK A PICTURE OF HIM NEXT TO IT. >> LET’S SEE THAT. >> I HIDE MEAT IN THE COUCH. >> HE KEPT DRINKING LATE AT NIGHT THEN BINGEING ON SLICES DELI HAM AND IN THE MORNING I’D FIND THEM IN THE CUSHIONS OF THE COUCH. >> MARY? MARY, YOUR HUSBAND WAS BEING A LITTLE TOO SECRETIVE. >> YEAH, HE WAS TABITHA, BUT USING YOUR TECHNIQUE, I THINK I HELPED BOTH OF US. LOOK AT THIS. >> STEVEN, I FOUND THIS PICTURE IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER. IS THIS YOUR OTHER FAMILY? STEVEN! DID YOU LEAVE TOWN ON BUSINESS AND START A SECRET FAMILY? STEVEN! DID DO YOU THAT? STEVEN! IS THAT YOUR BABY? OH, STEVEN! >> OH, MY GOD! >> DON’T WORRY, STEVEN SAYS IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING. IT’S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION, RIGHT? >> GIRL, I THINK YOU NEED MORE THAN COMMUNICATION. YOU HAVE MORE THAN A COMMUNICATION PROBLEM. WHEN WE COME BACK, I’LL SHOW YOU GREG DID TO THE VACUUM

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